I hated myself... but u deserve so..!!

I feel bitterness, suffocated… want to cry… to scream.. u r killing urself.. u r leaving the past snap u, tearing u.. u r dieing in front of me.. u r living as dead ppl.. u r trying to smile, laugh, react with others and try to convince others u r leading a normal life.. Whenever I give myself a chance to just think that I'm only a negative person whose ... nothing…my only use in ur life is to let u think u r ok... OMG the way I shouted with u... the way I pushed unmercifully on ur weakness point that I'm the only one who knows; is because I want u to wake up... I'm fade up... I don't want u to pass through the same sequence that I've passed through my entire life, I really really feel so inhuman... so injured... so cold… so lonely... so strange between others... ppl look at me with sympathy in their eyes… as if am ya 3eeny case … JUST WAKE UP… NEVER EVER LET ANY BODY IN THIS WHOLE WORLD INFLEUENCE ON UR OWN LIFE… u r much more PRECIOUS than being broken and smashed from such story… don't u know… can't u feel that all what I've done is for ur own sake… is out of my fear on u… out of my love.. u stupid, idiot, narrow minded… retarded mind person... just dive inside u... and u know well what I mean.. u'll definitely be sure that it was only bec of my love… may be I was hard, rigid, stiff and unbearable... but it was my last way to let u know... to let u wake up… oh.. I hated myself when I pushed unmercifully but it was the only the way…